When logic seeps into faith moments, confusion ensues. Human logic, I should say. God’s got logic, but often those “faith moments” fly in the face of human logic. And human logic is hard to shake.
Last week, I left my meeting with my principal and realized I’d just leapt from a cliff. In the free fall, I spotted the abyss of joblessness below. I’ll finish out the semester, of course, but then what? At my desk, I buried my face in my hands and thought, “I just quit my job. Did I do the right thing?” According to human logic, it was risky, even foolish, to quit my job. It’s a secure position. It’s a healthy paycheck. It was my dream job.
In high school, I’d fill out scholarship applications and write that my goal was to teach senior English and creative writing. That dream was realized when my husband and I moved to San Antonio. I teach three periods of senior English and one period of creative writing. I am living my dream, literally. In the span of five minutes, I gave it all up. And for what? I have plans for fall, but so far, none of them include a new job to walk into.
God saw me in turmoil and quickly reassured me. It was clear all of a sudden. Being a good wife and a good mother are of more value than a healthy paycheck. Responding to God’s call on my life is of more value than clutching to a noble profession that was once my dream. If I had stayed, it would have been out of the need for security.
“I am your security,” God reminded me. And it’s true. Human logic would have me to believe that with a baby on the way, and a husband in the ministry, working the next school year is wise. That it’s the only way. Many women have to or just want to keep on working when expecting. It’s completely possible.
I felt self-induced pressure.
No. No, I had to give up that “security” to tell God he is my security.
I felt kind of crazy after that meeting with my principal. I sought the reassurance of my husband that night. My decisions affect him, too. When I leap off of cliffs out of obedience and in faith, I’m dragging my husband with me. He reminded me that God provides. And many people told me the same thing in the following days. Through the testimony of others who had faced the same tough decision, God reminded me that doing the “crazy faith thing” means God can do “his crazy things” to show us he cares about us and cares for us.
The free fall is over. The abyss remains mysterious, but less frightening. I feel good about choosing to be obedient. About choosing to put my husband and daughter before my “career security.” About choosing to respond to God’s call on my life and pursue my master’s degree. Indeed, what God has for me next is right around the corner and my confidence in this new direction grows daily.
Photo Credit: Michael Reavis Photography